what is love without pain

When people ask me whats the definiton of love i tell them
 "giving a person the right to hurt you, but trusting them not to."
it makes sense right. as if your letting a person through to you and trusting them not to rift that trust.

but as they say, "what is love without pain?"
well i wouldnt know, because thats all ive had is pain.
someone you truley love hurts you and your stuck with the memory fa life.

but then theres someone out there that is waiting for someone like me and you.waiting to reel us in to bandage the divisioned heart and to heal up the scars internally.

but why we ask, why us?
why would someone want to really love and treat with as respect.
well maybe because theyve been thru the same and needs someone to comfort them as we need it to.

who know though.... people fill up someones head like a internet ad to kill viruses.
at least thats what we wish they did but instead of killing a virus, they can kill the pain. but its mostley all lies; all lies that we believe but one day well realize, and one day well see.
hopefully.

so i ask again what is love ,
or what is love without pain?

internet lover ;

why do i think about you so much
and i dont even know you
ive had dreams of you your soft touch
and dreams of what you may do.

i feel as if im obssessed with ya looks and ya seamless caress.
when i look at ya pictures its seems as if ya take away the stress.

it seems as if i have an ambivilant relationship.
because i hate that i dont know you
but i love who i picked.

ya eyes are so exquisite
and ya skin is so supple
im sure when we meet, we`ll make a beautiful couple.

i havent heard ya voice yet but im sure its soft and gentle
hopefully when we meet it will be so elemental.

when i look at you i feel deep buttaflies in my stomach
you dont know me and i dont know you
im lost like a blank check.

what is this that i feel
theres endliss things todo
should i approach you, tell you, what would you do
how can i feel this way and i dont even know you.

Dear Uncle Corey

Even though your not here with me, i hear you voice every  step of my way. I still remember the day that you left me, my heart broke in 2 pieces i couldnt even pronounce the syllables of you name. You were my favorite , and always will be. i remember the nicknames that you called me. it only sounded right when you said it. ill give up anything to hear your voice again. you aggrivated me to my last nerve, but i loved you and still do.i even remember when i was about to start head start and you told me that the teachers were going to call me princess :) i think about you all the time. I wonder are you watching me? are you listening to me when i talk to you while im driving? idk. i wish i knew though. I wonder what would it be like if you were still here?  your favorite song while you was alive was bowwow fresh az im is . lol. i used to love that song. when i look at your picture i see the glaring in your eyes. it makes me think of what you were thiking that night you died. why couldnt you just stay. why couldnt you just make it. at least for little corey ;( why why why. all the wonders and whys. i fell on my knees when i found out. that was the worst day of my life so far. its been almost  6 years that you have been gone but yet when i think about you i wanna break down and cry. but i hate to show my weaknesses. i wish you were here to see your child get older, to see boo going into her first year of highschool, to see andalyn and corah get older, to see jaiden, and to see me go into the military. but i know that your watching over all of us. I JUST WISH I CAN TOUCH YOU AND TALK TO YOU ONE LAST TIME!! WHY ME!! WHY US!!. when i saw you in your casket i was thinking to myself COME BACK UNCLE COREY, COME BACK PLEASEE!! begging and pleading for god to send you back.nana misses you alot.why couldnt you just hold on ?? ive never seen nana so devistated. but im here for her.we talk about you all the time and cry when we need to. but i know your in a better place than this cruel world. my heart still hasnt healed and i dont think that it ever will :( because i freaking miss you like no other. missing you is an understatement. i doing more than just missing that there is no word to explain it,, sometimes i wonder how would you look today? what would you be like? i try not to thnk about it but i just cant helpit

i love you uncle corey, never stopped never will. your always in my heart. i dont go a day without thinking about you; i guess i have to stop being selfish and except the fact that your in a better place. but i dont know how. ill try. see you later. this is not a good bye

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥



tyler

to live not to judge

as i walk down the city streets i cant help to think
all of that , that goes on as i blink

my palms are sweaty my hands are red
i just cant stop thinking "cant wait to get to my bed"

wherever it is, im just happy to get some sleep
ive been roaming around the city lights and the dark passage streets.

when people look at me, they think i have this great life
but what they dont know is, behind this pretty face of mine are the feelings i have to fight.

i never shed a tear even when i feel like crying,
ive even been in a point of my life, where i felt like dying.

im happy god let me stay,
he let me stay, even tho i tried to take my life away.

ive realized i do have something to live for,
a beautiful little brother thats been born and that i adore.

i seem him like my own child, someone know one can compete with
when i see parents not wanting there children, is somethng i will never get.

i have never judged anyone. whether is was from there looks of their hair due.
because i dont about what just like they dont know what I have been through.

i need to start expressing my feelings more. this diary of mine is not enough; it feels like i am about to explode sometimes. i feel like crying, and most of the time i dont know why. Is it because im regretting? or is it because im tryinq to find myself? Or maybe is it because i feel like nobodies here for me like i would be there for them? idk. but its killing and im about to bust. My heart is big , but i have no one to share it with

WHY?

I see people crying over one another, but in love with one another. its better than having no one right? but i think to myself is it really worth it to cry over someone when they do you so wrong. maybe, maybe not.

Ive been hurt so badly and so many times i dont expect no one to care. or im not suprised of what it will turn out in the end. because all i have to depend on is myself anyway right...

some people take advantage of when they have a good thing

I WISH

i used to be sad when people let me down but now im just like

FUCK IT AND FUCK THEM